Thursday, August 6, 2009

I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!

Yesterday, I went to the doctor's office for a routine visit. As usual, they checked my weight and height.

As I expected, my weight continues to hover in the hippopotamus range, but the startling news was that I have lost yet another half-inch in height. I was once a comparatively majestic 5' 4". Now I am down to a mere 5' 1 & 1/2". This has got to stop!

I realize that gravity is desperately trying to suck me to the center of the earth. I understand that our spines naturally compress as we age even if we have good bone density. I know that my several hip replacement surgeries lowered my tailbone a little closer to the floor. But, dammit, how much farther can my belly pooch out before I have no lap left? I'm already at the point where my cats will roll their eyes or snort derisively if I try to entice them onto my knees.

I absolutely refuse to go back to wearing a girdle as I did in my younger days. If I could afford it, I'd have liposuction (yes I would!) or even a radical tummy tuck. But gravity will still continue to suck, and I will be another year older in a few days.


Sparrow chic said...

I read your blog with laughter and empathy. I was empathetic until your remark that your cats rolled their eyes. My dog, Shadow has the same reaction and I too have less lap for the granddaughters to lay on. And, about you upcoming birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM !!!!

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

I would like lipo, too. I have seen amazing results! I like the idea of getting rid of the fat without anything more strenuous than writing a check...if only I had some money...I grew 2 inches when I was already supposed to be grown. I guess time will reclaim them at some point in the not-too-distant future!!!